Life in the army meant keeping up an outer front of normality and military sobriety.

Open exhibitions of love for a Hindu god would have been frowned on to such an extent that they would have jeopardized my career.

This caused me to lead a dual life. By day I played the officer-­sahib, complete with stiff upper lip. At night, behind locked doors, I would transform myself into a Krishna gopi. I would dismiss my orderly, telling him not to disturb me with the usual 5 a.m. cup of tea.

That gave me the whole night with my beloved Krishna. I was not content with doing japa of His name, or with worshipping an inanimate picture or statue, I wanted Krishna Himself to appear before me, as He had frequently done when I was young, so that I could pour out my love to Him directly.

I pretended I was Radha, the consort of Krishna, because I thought that if I imitated her in every way, Krishna would come and appear before me. I dressed myself in a sari, decorated my body with bangles and women’s jewelery, and even put make-up on my face. I got into the bhava that I really was Radha, pining away for her divine lover. It worked. Krishna would appear and I would pour out my heart to Him. On the mornings after Krishna had appeared to me my face would be lit up with the happiness of divine love. One of my superior officers mistook my state for drunkenness and gave orders to the barman in the mess that I should not be given more than three small drinks a day. He was told by the barman, quite correctly, that I never drank at all, but he didn’t believe him. He simply couldn’t understand how someone could look so radiantly happy without having had any alcoholic stimulants.

My nationalist ambitions withered and died during my brief spell in the army, but, on the contrary, my passion for Krishna increased to the point where I could think about little else. The army was not a congenial place for a bhakta who only wanted to indulge in his obsession for Krishna, so I resigned my commission. It was a difficult thing to do during wartime, but with the assistance of a sympathetic commanding officer, to whom I explained my predicament, I managed to free myself from my military obligations.